Stupid Women Love Marilyn Monroe

This goes out to all the stupid women out there.

Now I want to stress right from the off that this isn’t some sort of woman-hating thing. Really it’s wrong to think of stupidity in gendered terms, you usually see the same traits in both waterhead men and braindead women; self-centredness, pride in ignorance, liking the Black Eyed Peas, etc. There is however, one thing that generally speaking, is seen in stupid women much more than in their male counterparts. The half-baked love of Marilyn Monroe.

Without watching or even being able to name any of her films, many young women like to associate themselves with Marilyn Monroe, because, you know, she’s famous and has a purrdy face and stuff. Monroe is right up there with Che Guevara  in terms of being an icon that people latch themselves onto in spite of knowing little to nothing about. Many seem to know little more about them than what their faces look like, which they see plastered all over shitty merchandise and love so much they decide to plaster all over their bodies in the form of shitty tattoos, creating a self-perpetuating cycle of ignorance. And shit. And plaster.

Now look. I don’t have a problem with Monroe herself. Marilyn Monroe was reasonably talented, not one of the all-time-greats but not terrible either. She had a definite screen-presence, something that many modern actors are sorely lacking, she could do comedy and roles like Cherie, an untalented but ambitious singer in Bus Stop show that she was more adept at ‘serious’ roles than one might think at first. As is fairly common knowledge these days, she was a pretty tragic individual marred by mental illness, physical and sexual violence throughout her life. This is not the Marilyn Monroe that is worshipped in Twitter and Facebook posts across the webland. That Monroe is a much more one-dimensional figure, personified by that one fucking quote. You know the one.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”                               

 -Marilyn Monroe and Dickwits everywhere

This is horseshit for several reasons. First of all, it is an excuse to never try to improve, to become emotionally mature and at least try to work past faults (and they are faults) like selfishness and impatience, which we all share. Secondly, it suggests that in a relationship between Person A and Person B, Person A can behave as poorly as they like, all the time and the inevitable conflict that will ensue is all Person B’s fault. Shut it Person A, you are like Batista subplots in Dexter, you are terrible and boring and nobody cares about you. Thirdly...let’s be frank here. The best of Marilyn Monroe and the best of you, in all likelihood, do not compare. Ain’t no JFK gonna be doing the horizontal tango with you, because you are the worst. Also, he’s dead.

Marilyn Monroe

You

 

 

Ultimately Marilyn Monroe was just a fairly good actress with a lot of personal troubles. She did not, as far as my extensive research* showed, cure TB, sign any peace treaties or stop a burning bus full of chinchillas from driving off a cliff. If you want an old-timey glamorous Hollywood actress to worship, how about Hedy Lamarr, who helped to invent a form of radio frequency used to this day in wi-fi and cordless phones? Even being interested in Monroe wouldn’t be that bad, as long as you go deeper than asinine quotes and that one picture of her standing over a windy grate. Or maybe you could stop idolising famous people altogether, you fecking twit.

* not very extensive.